Time / distance traveled today: 5.5 hours, 351 miles
Total time / distance traveled: 11 hours, 652 miles
Noteworthy music: Taproot's Welcome album, Soilwork's Stabbing the Drama album, The Black Dahlia Murder's Deflorate album, a little bit of Fairgreen, Silverchair and Foo Fighters
I write to you tonight while sitting on my Uncle Jay's couch in his Chattanooga, Tennessee trailer home, watching an Orioles home game on TV (just can't get away!). I've got a nice beer in a frosted mug to the right of me, a sleeping bag and pillow standing ready for when it's time to retire for the evening, and a hot shower beckoning in the morning. While these are things to which I'm well accustomed in my day-to-day life, I'm counting these as luxury accommodations considering that which I have before me...
Nevertheless, we can't know where we are going until we know where we have been, so let's recap the day!
I awoke at about 9:15 for the final time this morning to the 10th or 11th resetting of my alarm. It had been my intention to be out the door by 7:45 when Missy left for her internship, but then I got a case of the fuck-its and kept tapping on the snooze button. I helped myself to a nice hot shower, packed the car and departed. It was almost 10:00, and since I was expected to meet my Uncle Jay in Chattanooga at 3:30 (with the duration of the drive approximated at 5:45) I had no time to stop at Gillie's for breakfast (sorry Ryan!). As I gassed-up I mixed-up some of my homemade trail mix (almonds, cocoa roast almonds and dried sour cherries) and downed a protein shake for breakfast.
The first half of the drive was pretty uneventful, as the last hundred or so miles of Virginia didn't switch it up much from the previous 300. I did notice some pretty significant changes in the scenery and road quality whence I crossed into Tennessee, including the apparent lack of cows (check out my commentary on YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTAuEJrGmrE ).
And then.. about three and a half hours into the day's drive... I reached a destination that singlehandedly sums-up what this trip is all about: the site of the 1982 World's Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee!
As you should very well know, I am a huge fan of The Simpsons, and make at least half a dozen references to things that occurred in the show per day (a feat which is overshadowed by Family Guy, which rips off at least a dozen things per episode). In one episode, Bart attains a fake ID and rents a car, taking Milhouse, Nelson, Martin and himself on a road trip. The only problem was that they didn't decide on a destination until they were already in the car, at which point Milhouse suggests the Knoxville World Fair (obviously not realizing that the brochure was over 10 years out of date). The group decides to pursue Knoxville over Disney Land upon learning of the Sunsphere; the representative tower built for the 1982 World's Fair (atop which is purported to be an information booth, about which the kids are most excited).
Well, the group travels long hours to get there, only to find out that they've missed the World's Fair by over a decade and that The Sunsphere is now in a state of disrepair, serving as a storage tower for a wig outlet store (thus renaming the tower The Wigsphere). Later on Nelson throws a rock at the sphere, knocking it over.
Well, this episode in and of itself sums-up what this trip is all about: the appreciation of the absurdity and monotony of America! Since Knoxville was right along my path, I would have considered it a criminal offense to not stop-by The Sunsphere!
There it is, in all its glory! All joking aside, it's actually in very good condition and the area surrounding it is a pristine park with a waterway and pavilion for performances. I was actually pretty impressed that it wasn't nearly as lame as I had expected.
Looking like an ominous Tesla coil with the Tennessee clouds.
...And for you REAL Simpsons dorks, check what was actually on top!
I think the only thing that I didn't like about the Sunsphere is that while on top I had a grand view of downtown Knoxville, which I now believe has a total population of 5, judging by the one living person I saw within my field of view.
Feel free to "ride along" with me to the top with this YouTube vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqHbS0XNaVc
So after this diversion I hopped back on the road and high-tailed it to Chattanooga!
I met my good Uncle at his place of work (as a CPA, this late into tax season is crunch time so I feel privileged that he was able to afford some time to me!) and we drove to a steakhouse for dinner (in true Russell fashion).
En route to the restaurant I got “hollered at” by a couple of girls in an adjacent car at a red light (I say “hollered” though no sound was made, rather the driver made a “V” gesture with her fingers and simulated a certain sex act while looking me dead in the eye). The steakhouse was also full of southern gals, and from these experiences I've developed some preliminary conclusions about southern women:
- Overall, a greater percentage of southern girls are physically attractive than up north, though they appear as though they put in plenty of effort to maintain a “I'm not even trying” casualness to their looks.
- If an attractive southern girl is in a town like Chattanooga (not a college town) during the school year, then she must either be too young or too dumb for college (which thus means too young or too dumb for me).
Conclusions? I should try southern college towns a bit (Tuscaloosa, here we come!), and also it was a good thing that Uncle Jay was driving so that I wasn't tempted to make any mistakes...
It's now about midnight in Chattanooga, the temperature has gone down to the mid-sixties (it was a scorcher earlier on! How you like me now, Baltimore?) and the Orioles have won their game (they might just be a baseball team all of a sudden). There is no WIFI out here, so I'm going to try finding a Starbucks somewhere along my travels tomorrow at which to upload this post.
Until then, my day 3 is entirely unscripted! I don't have any more contacts until the south west, so I think I'm going to just drive and see what I feel like doing. As Uncle Jay said, “That's the best kind of trip: nowhere to go and all the time in the world to get there!”
I think I'll start tomorrow by heading to Atlanta, then I'll go west through Alabama until inspiration strikes. We'll find out!
FYI, hot college girls abound at UNC. Just sayin'.. And for the record, these videos are really making me miss your face, a lot.
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